12 Steps to Not Suck at Being a Man

Here it is. The day of reckoning. Don’t say I didn’t warn all of you. As I told you, I have opinions and I like to share them, hence the blog. I always welcome healthy, hearty and civil debate. With that said, spare me any unshaven knee-jerk reaction of feminist fury. I have my opinions and you have yours. You’re welcome to start your own blog and I may even read it and disagree strongly.

Today I’m going to tackle a subject that makes my blood pressure rise. Get to the point you say? What is this enlightening insight you wish to share? Calm down, I’m getting there. Changing the world one keystroke at a time isn’t that simple.

I’m going to share some of my beliefs on men. Yes, men. I know, I know. We’re supposed to stick together. Have each other’s backs. Testosterone power. Burp, watch sports, get nagged by our wives, wear awful clothes and altogether be useless without the right woman.

No one ever wants to talk about the traditional role of men anymore. Even worse, men run from their roles and responsibilities like Usain Bolt in the Olympics.

Although there are most certainly exceptions to the rule, overall whether observed through science or societal norms, men are the physically stronger sex. This should tell us all something. Even if you don’t share a Christian worldview as I do, then you still must accede to the fact that men are built for an obvious role. Protector, hunter, gatherer, provider. Yes, it seems your very being as a man is telling you something about the part you are meant to play in this life.

I know this all seems crazy in a world where we can’t even label a gender specific bathroom anymore but if we would all quit trying so hard to disprove blatantly obvious truth in the name of equality and come back down to earth where common sense answers these questions, then perhaps we can move on. Low and behold Bob is Bob and Sue is Sue and with only rare exceptions to this rule, they both have unique traits and characteristics that prepare them to serve in certain capacities.

Now, I’ll stop here and make a few clarifications. I am not a He-Man Woman Hater. I do believe women are just as, if not more capable, of doing the majority of things men do. I do not negate any woman who chooses to be a career woman. I blame this issue more on a society that values consumerism over community and has altogether devalued the role of the backbone of all healthy families (the mother) but that’s another blog entirely. So, let me be clear, women rock. They are smart and equally as competent on the whole as any men I know and being a man in a world without women would be boring and unfulfilling.

What I’d like to get back to here is the topic of men and their role and in contributing to the good of society. We have a responsibility as men, husbands and fathers and we shouldn’t take it lightly.

I have compiled a list we’ll call 12 Steps to Not Suck at Being a Man. I’m trying to help you here, so man up and make some changes if any of this applies to you:

1. If you sleep with ANY woman be prepared to father her child and honor her as that child’s mother. Odds are, a child may not happen but if it does then let’s not act like we’re unaware of what causes children. You think abstinence education is a lie? You think it’s uncool? Talk to Tim Tebow, Jase Robertson or Colt McCoy to name a few. All manly, all strong leaders, all virgins until they were married.  It’s certainly going to be one of the most difficult things to do as a man and isn’t valued in our society today, but the long term reward will be well worth it. As a side note, should a child be the product of your relationship with any woman you have basic responsibilities to that woman and your child. I don’t care how crazy you think she is, how much you hate her, she hates you or anything about her at all. As a man it is your direct responsibility to do all you can to insure your child has a roof over their head and food on their table. Period. End of story. Even the whiny child support stories. What the mother chooses to do with your obligation is not on you. Regardless of what she does, it does not change your responsibility. Your responsibility also doesn’t end there but for the sake of making other points I’ll limit this one. It’s worthy of its own blog.
2. There is no excuse for lazy and there is no substitute for hard work. No one, not even society, wants a man that won’t work. Stop making excuses, suck it up and get to work. You want a surefire way to be stuck in an unsatisfying life spent making mistakes, excuses and blaming others? Be lazy. You will most certainly have to do jobs in your life that you don’t like or want to do. Do them anyway. You do what you have to do to provide, advance and succeed.
3. Man up for God’s sake. It’s okay if say, your daughter, wife, Old Yeller or something along those lines causes you to tear up. Being sensitive isn’t necessarily a disqualifier for a man card. Being sensitive about dumb stuff, well that’s another story. Men need thick skin. If you don’t have thick skin, then you’ll always be susceptible to being played by your feelings. Men will eat you alive and push your buttons and women will eat you alive and push your buttons. So, if the Testosterone Police find you crying while watching Lifetime or pouting up because someone spoke harshly to you then they have every right to blow the Wuss Whistle, put a diaper on you and stick a pacifier in your mouth. You’re a man, act like one.
4. Don’t be so desperate. It’s disgusting. Have some dignity. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT be that guy. That guy on Facebook that comments on every female’s attention starved, cleavage filled bathroom selfie that silently screams about a father who wasn’t there (see number 1) and other insecurities that lead them to seek validation in all the wrong ways. You know that guy because right now a couple names popped in your head. They show up on every single female photo or post with the social media comment equivalent of a bad pick-up line. “You’re gorgeous”, “So Hottttt (with no limit to the number of t’s used just to be sure)”, “I want to be that puppy/baby/kitten or any other object close to the female pictured”, “Still as hot as always” and on and on. This is pathetic. It’s says one of three things about you men, either you’re the pictured female’s bestie and you two should get your nails done together (clear violation of man-code), you’re an insecure leg-hound desperately seeking your own validation, or you’re a narcissistic leg-hound with a Hugh Hefner complex. Have pride and respect for yourself and others.
5. Respect women. Chivalry may be rare, but it’s not dead. I don’t care what a fuzzy-legged, tree-hugging, abortion promoting feminist says. Don’t let a vocal minority ruin it for the rest of them. Open her door. Pull her chair out. Walk on the outside of the sidewalk. You should treat every single woman like you’d want someone to treat your mother, sister or daughter.
6. Dress for success. Many of us may lack fashion sense and it is okay to find some help here. What you wear says so much about you. From the desperate “I hate my father” ensembles of black with overboard piercings and other non-masculine attire to the “I was the fat-kid or dork in high school” offerings of constant muscle shirts and accentuating athletic wear, it all says something. Now, I’m certainly not Mr. GQ as anyone who knows me can attest to, but there are things men can and should wear and things they shouldn’t. Violations of man-code dress code include: Turtle-neck sweaters unless it’s Christmas and your grandmother bought it for you, skinny jeans if you have any testosterone or dignity at all (sorry youth pastors and wanna-be pop rockers), bikini underwear (no such thing as these for men no matter what the label says), fur anything with the exception of a coon-skin hat or bear fur, scarves, ascots, any neckerchief, short shorts (you are not Tom Selleck as Magnum PI and those days are gone), harem pants and leggings. There are most certainly others but you get the point. Dress like a man.
7. Any man is only as good as his word and a good man’s word is his bond. Don’t be a liar. Out of all the things you can be in this life, this is one you should be sure to avoid. It’s not always easy to tell the truth but the simple fact of the matter is, if you didn’t engage in things you didn’t want to take responsibility for then lying wouldn’t be necessary in the first place. Work very hard at being a man of your word. It matters.
8. Be a defender. Courage is stepping up to the plate when others are scared to do so. It doesn’t mean you’re not scared, it means you own your fear. Never be a man who watches others get bullied or abused. Be the man that takes a stand even when it’s uncomfortable.
9. Stop the porn. Really, stop it. Pornography demonstrates a lack of self-control and should be the very thing women fear most about men, in that you begin looking at women as the sum of their body parts rather than their substance. The women and men may very well willingly choose to engage in what you’re seeing but that in itself doesn’t make it justifiable. Strip clubs also aren’t the places real men hang out. Real men value their wives, daughters, sisters and mothers enough to realize that the women they’re objectifying are that very same thing to someone. Even if the women themselves choose to be there, it doesn’t mean you should support it. The problem is you. We’re all men here. We all love and are attracted to beautiful women. It’s how we are created, but we are also created with the gift of self-control. We all have it whether or not we choose to use it. Not using this makes us creeps, not manlier. Porn ruins marriages and lives.
10. Don’t play into the stereotype any longer. Pop culture and Hollywood would have us believe there are no more Andy Griffith’s and we’re left only with Al Bundy and Homer Simpson. Don’t be that guy. Really. Be a man that honors, protects, defends and serves others. Start with your family. Don’t be the lazy, stupid, sex-driven animal our culture says we are.
11. Never tell yourself or your buddies the grass is greener on the other side. Every single one of us have our own set of issues. If you or they leave their wife for someone else, the one guarantee is they’ll have a whole new set of problems on their hands. The new will wear off. The bathroom will stink when their new love uses it too. They’ll have habits that drive you just as crazy. We all like to hear our buddies complain and then take the path of least resistance and validate their gripes. Don’t do it. Hear them, listen, sympathize and be a real man when you give advice. Remind them about commitments and vows. Remind them about their word and their responsibility. True friends speak truth even when it’s not easy or what the other person wants to hear. Now, if this friend is yet to marry, let them run all they want. They’ll figure out the problem is them soon enough or they’ll spend their life as “that guy” we’ve discussed.
12. Mentor others. Men, we have a problem in this world. Too many children are born into fatherless homes. The statistics and studies behind the problems this creates have ramifications throughout our society. Whether through youth sports, volunteering at church, foster children, adoption, reaching out to a fatherless male family member or friend’s child, get involved. Be the positive male role model and example they need. If we don’t start reaching out and being examples of what men should be then the one thing we can all be sure of is we’ll have more and more of the men that no society wants or needs.

Let’s start with these 12. None of us are perfect. Most of us have probably messed up all twelve in some way or another and if not we probably just haven’t lived long enough. The bottom line is that we are responsible for the kind of men we choose to be. Why not choose to be a good man? I’ve yet to meet one person who would say they want their tombstone to read, “Here lies the worst man and human-being to ever live.”

You don’t have to be the strongest, fastest, smartest, richest or toughest guy to be a good man. Start with integrity and go from there. Doing the right thing, repeatedly, lays a firm foundation for being the man you and those around you should want you to be. More importantly for being the man our society so desperately needs more of. It starts with you.

The Truth About Santa! (PG-13)

This whole Christmas thing is out of control. You want to know what my dad and his brothers woke up to on Christmas morning? Of course you do, you’re still reading. They woke up to a new pair of blue jeans, plastic six-shooters, and a piece of fruit. This was the usual for most of his childhood Christmas mornings. DHR would probably take your children away if you did this now.

You know who’s responsible for this? Jolly Old Saint Nicholas. Yep, the jolly (kidspeak for alcoholic) old fat man himself. You see, this all started in the mid-1900’s when Saint Nicholas, or “Santa” as we know him, decided to turn up the heat on consumerism and therefor solidify his place in our culture for decades to come. Santa is smart like that. During my father’s childhood, Santa catered to the values of The Greatest Generation. You know, the men who went off to fight wars and watch their brothers and comrades in arms die for the sake of their country. Santa knew that with this war-hardened generation, just recovering from The Great Depression, too many luxuries could spell his demise.

So, the corrupt and conniving owner of North Pole sweatshops played it safe. Have the elves grow some fruit, make some cheap toy cowboy pistols and sew denim. Then, gradually outsource Christmas and phase in a consumerist mindset. By the time deregulation began we were primed for Operation Consumer Christmas Overload, Phase I. Behind the scenes, the drug fueled, free love culture of the 60’s and 70’s had taken its toll on the elf labor pool and set the stage for this secret plan. You see, elves were now needed for hallucinations, shopping malls and wrestling (yes, they used elves for midget wrestling). So, consumer-minded, profit greedy, slave-driver Santa, contracted his elves to other companies, in the name of higher margins. He then leaned heavily and directly on the toy companies to meet his gift-giving demands.

It seemed like a win-win for all. More toys, happier kids (at least on Christmas morning) and a greater appreciation for the overlooked elf populace and their talents. That is, until enough brains were fried, everyone learned love is in fact never free, nor is VD and we were all left with a bunch of lazy liberals who really didn’t want to work too hard, rather they chose to sit back, deny God, blame the man and promote socialist policies that benefit those with a lack of motivation. All this while mumbling peace, holding up two fingers and driving cars named after insects. Everything according to plan.

Now, what was Santa left to do? How was he possibly going to continue breaking and entering, sexually assaulting children’s mothers that would then be glorified in songs sung by said children and continuing to profit from his slave labor back in the North Pole sweatshop? Piece by piece.

You guessed it. More stuff. Not just that, but he also decided to play up his role in childhood development and behavior. He knows who’s “naughty and nice”. The creep even sees you when you’re sleeping. So kids, if you’re bad, Santa will bring you lumps of coal or bundles of switches. Problem solved. Kids are lured into falsely modified behavior in order to gain reward with no regard for the moral principles that should in fact promote and bind them to said positive behaviors.

Elf on the Shelf? More of the same. Capitalist Santa at his best. Just another way to manipulate bratty, spoiled children into behaving so we don’t actually have to do any, you know, parenting that prevents these brats from becoming egotistical, narcissistic adults who raise an even worse generation and spend even less time actually parenting them.

You see what happens when you outsource Christmas? You see what happens when it’s all about an alcoholic, obese, peeping tom creeper who abuses reindeer (where’s Sara McLaughlin and her ASPCA commercial for that?) breaks into people’s homes, eats all their snacks, cops a feel of some kids mother (no wonder we have a single mother epidemic, bet he’s behind that too!) and drops off some Chinese toys outsourced to the lowest bidder and marketed with millions of dollars in order to create this Christmas demand frenzy?

Wake up people. Santa sucks! Enjoy your families. Enjoy good food. Enjoy your friends. Most importantly, celebrate the reason for the season, Jesus. I’m not sure if Jesus ever met Santa, as by most estimates they missed each other by about 500 years, but I wish he would have. I really believe if Santa had been given the same revelation as the apostle Paul all of this could have been avoided.

Lastly, I need to be transparent. Although Santa never once visited me as a child, I hold no ill-will. I’m not bitter. No big deal, Santa. Yes, I may have snuck out of my bed on Christmas-eve and made sure the door was unlocked since we had no chimney. Just in case. I mean, I didn’t want to be the kind of person Santa proved to be. A liar! I was good (rarely, but I know worse kids that did get presents) and I believed and you never came!

Whew. Now that I got that out. I forgive you dad. I’m sorry Santa’s gifts of fruit and denim left you with a gaping hole of unbelief. Although your reasons for no Santa certainly had merit. It is true that Jesus’ birth date is never mentioned in the Bible. It also makes sense that if God had wanted us to know he’d have told us. It’s even more rational to say that if in fact we were going to celebrate Christmas we’d specifically seek out the orphan and the widow because giving gifts to them is giving to Christ. I get the whole pagan holiday thing, now that I’ve researched it for myself. So, perhaps you were right.

But you know what happens to kids who know the truth about Santa from the beginning? They sit on your shoulders and excitedly and loudly proclaim, “See Dad! I told you he was real!” at the Disney Christmas parade while all the people around you stare at you like a pariah. It’s okay, stick to your guns man! I’ll just sneak up to my grandmothers and pocket some cash and years later pen a passive-aggressive blog to lash out.

Santa, if you’re reading this, I forgive you too. Let’s make amends. You can begin making up for all the formative years of crushed spirits by bringing me a log cabin on a piece of land in the mountains with a crackling fire and a bear rug or if you’re into aviation, I’ll take a KingAir 350, because unlike you, I’m not self-absorbed enough to ask for something crazy like a G6. What’s that Santa? Sounds to you like an entitlement mentality? Well, it’s all your fault.

P.S.- Santa, please tell me there is no glitter in the North Pole?

P.P.S – I noticed your name shares the same letters as Satan. How you answer that last question will clarify which side you’re really on.

The Dark Side of Leadership

It has been said, “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” That can definitely be true in a leadership position. People aspire to be managers and dream of being leaders. While that is certainly an admirable goal, no one ever wants to talk about the tough choices leaders are tasked with making. It’s a nice place to be when things are good. It can be the worst place to be when things don’t go as planned. Coincidentally, the tough times are where true leadership is tested and great leaders are forged.

I feel that in general I deliver on one of my key goals and values of making my team members feel valued. I have the ability to coach them and encourage them to push themselves and to overall achieve more than they would on their own. I enjoy sowing into others and sharing the wisdom I’ve gained through bad decisions and difficult circumstances. I relish watching someone thrive from a foundation of support and guidance that I’ve provided. There really is nothing better than leading a team that achieves its goals.

There is, however, a dark side behind all the success talk and dreams. The dark side of success is failure. Nothing hurts worse or carries a heavier burden than failure. Worse than failing yourself is failing others. Others that depend on you. No matter how good the team or how solid the company, the unexpected is always lurking around the corner. Things can change in the blink of an eye. Accepting this possibility and responsibility is not for the faint of heart.

Equally difficult are the times when you have to make the tough choice to let a team member go for the greater good of the team and the company or organization as a whole. The leader in me wants to save everyone. I want to believe that no matter how bad the situation or attitude of an employee I can turn it around. The fact is, I can’t. There are times when changes have to be made. You see, in leadership, you must be able to make these decisions in the best interest of the business or team, no matter how difficult.

I can deal with the risk of failure. I can put it on the line knowing the unexpected may lurk in and ruin a great team or company. I can bear the responsibility of answering to mistakes and accepting blame. Of all these, the one thing that will still keep me up at night and haunt me is letting someone go. Even when it’s the right choice. Even when it has to be done. Even when that troublesome employee is jeopardizing the others. Don’t read this wrong, I can, will, have and will continue to do this whenever necessary. I’ll also always self-evaluate in order to make sure that any responsibility I failed in or opportunity I missed that would have prevented the dismissal, doesn’t happen again.

I’ll wonder what else I could have done. I’ll wonder what it feels like to be in the home or heart of that person. I’ll wonder if it will cause them financial hardship. I’ll hope they don’t think it’s personal and that I’m just some jerk who doesn’t like them. I’ll pray about it before and I’ll continue to pray about it and for that person, after. I’ll hope that after the time we’ve gotten to know each other they’ll take something positive away. I’ll hope they do some reflecting and self-evaluation. I know I will. Then, I’ll move on and they will too.

Even when it was the right choice, the best choice and even if it was the only choice. This is part of the burden of the leader.   The best leaders don’t spend much time beating their chest for all the victories, the big deals they’ve closed, the lives they’ve saved, the homeruns they’ve hit. They spend their time wondering how to avoid the lost deal, the lost life, the soured employee, the strikeout. How to be better. Chasing perfection. Constant improvement.

I’m not sure how others deal with it but it’s during those difficult times I’m most sensitive to God’s grace and mercy. His blessings are what remind me that ultimately He is in control. He knows my heart. He knows my strength’s and he knows my weaknesses. Most importantly, He loves that other person more than I ever could and He also has both our best interests at heart. I hope they find Him. I hope they know Him. If so, I really have nothing to worry about and neither do they because the greater issue is resolved.

When Employees Leave, How Does Your Company React?

Good employees are painful to lose. From a leadership perspective I always find myself stuck considering what I missed or what I could have done to make sure that person stayed on board. Perhaps that’s giving myself too much credit but nonetheless I always look at me first. As difficult as these situations are, they offer the perfect opportunity for a company and its leadership to display its true character and the real value it places on those who help them get there.

How a company responds to a key employee’s resignation is a healthy indicator of how they value people and the amount of integrity at the highest levels. For instance, if upper management decides to use the opportunity to point out all of the flaws in the employee and all the mistakes they’ve made then the integrity and professionalism tank is running low. However, if the corporate stance is to show appreciation for the service and accomplishments that the departing employee played a part in then it’s a relatively safe bet you’re in a company that truly values people as people and not just as a driver of the bottom line.

The departure should also serve as a time for you and your company to do a gut-check. Could you have done things differently? Is the other position or company perceived as being better than your company? If so, why? When honest self-evaluation is conducted both individually and as a corporation then improvements are most certainly sure to follow.

The key in leadership is to recognize your employees for what they bring to the table as well as their potential in the future. If you can make a sound and accurate judgment on this early on, then you can plan for how to stay ahead of the curve on pay raises, promotions, etc. This insures happy employees and happy employees are productive employees.

It is true that in most cases people never quit their team, they quit their leader. Although there are exceptions to this. Sometimes your company may not be in a position to elevate the employee to the position they desire and maybe even deserve. Perhaps the company cannot afford the raise to meet an employee’s salary demands. There are times when you just have to let people go, even the good ones. The key is that in these times, make sure you and your company conduct yourselves with the type of professionalism and integrity that makes people think openly about a return or to tell others good things about working for you.

Hopefully this isn’t too common for you or your company but when it happens now you have some perspective to assist you in your handling of the situation. Class and integrity are valuable so make sure you retain them even when you don’t retain employees.

Maybe It’s Time We All Get Over Ourselves

The majority of the people on this planet do not care about you. Don’t get all down in the dumps, they don’t care about me either and I’m okay with that. You should be too.

Current estimates say as of 2013 the Earth’s population is approximately 7.125 billion. Here, let me actually add the zeros, 7,125,000,000. According to a Columbia University study, the average person knows 600 people. Of course that’s only an average based on many variables but this is fun for me so let’s expound on this and roll with it. We have 7,124,999,400 people, many who don’t even know we exist, that do not care about us, specifically.

To continue with this upbeat and positive introduction, let’s pretend only half of those 600 even like us. That narrows the list of people in our Average Person Fan Club down to 300. Out of those 300, half are casual and have a positive view of us overall but also have their own priorities, agendas, struggles, phobias, annoying habits, use glitter, have bad hygiene, etc. So, we’re down to 125 just based on those left who are actually people we can relate to and would choose to be friends with. Now, out of those, half work as hard as we do and have just as many commitments and obligations to keep. 75 and trending downward. I’ve left the world of studies and statistics here and I’m just enjoying assumptions, so humor me. Half these people like us but are too caught up in themselves to commit to being a part of our life. Truth be told I find the following number to be a tad high, but we’re going to roll on and say 37.5 people really care about us.

37.5 people love and care about us and our well-being. 37.5 out of 7,125,000,000. We’ll say 10 of those are family and have built their relationships from a sense of responsibility and duty to us. 27.5 people from our life, outside of family, care about us.

I think it’s fair to say, assumptions or not, this world isn’t all about us. It may be all about the Benjamin’s or all about that bass (untrue by the way, many musicians value treble), but it’s most certainly not all about us. I know what you’re thinking. This can’t be true when a guy like Kanye sells 21 million albums and has 66 million digital downloads. Fair enough, but do we want to be real or live our life trying to be the one person that comes to mind as a self-absorbed, egotistical, arrogant narcissist out of 7,124,999,999 other people who can pull this off?

Now at this point you’re at a crossroads. Have you wasted this much of your time just so you could read a blog about how unimportant we are in the grand scheme? Should you just hole up in a dark room watching the Walking Dead or Lifetime and only emerge to satisfy primitive survival needs? Should you write your congressman, senator, mayor, county commissioner, the President, Dear Abby, the U.N., and start a petition on change.org to make glitter manufacturing, distribution and use a felony carrying a life sentence? The answer to the latter is yes, by the way. However, the answer to the other questions is an emphatic “NO!”

Armed with the above information you can now make a conscious decision to stop living in a “ME” world. Let’s all quit raising our babies and future narcissists like the world revolves around them. Everyone shouldn’t get a trophy no matter how hard it is even if me, you or our children are the ones who don’t. You, your kid and everyone you know is going to suck at something. Just like there are things we’re all good at, there are things we’ll be awful at. It’s okay. Embrace it.

We can all sit around and think of new conditions, medical issues, repressed childhood memories, heartbreaks, hardships, and everything else under the sun as to why 7,124,999,972.5 people don’t care about us or we can make a conscious decision, without the aid of Dr. Phil, Oprah, or anyone else’s assistance to live our life.

We’ll call that 27.5 number your Realm of Human Influence. Start there. Make sure you actually care about 27.5 people. Then, expand that number. The best way to make sure you impact more is by doing for others what you want done for you. See, it’s actually very simple. Whether it’s the whole “Be the change you want to see in the world” from Ghandi or the brilliance of Dale Carnegie in “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, these things have been figured out for you. I recall a book that teaches us to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, Matthew 7:12. I’d highly recommend that one.

A good place to start will be at our upcoming family Christmas celebrations. Who are they all about? Are our kids self-absorbed and focused on all the gifts they’ll receive? Are we focused on all we’ll get? Gut-check time. If we’re answering yes, like most Americans, then we’re part of the problem. We’re creating little monster consumers with a “me-first” attitude. We’re helping to erode what was once a country that espoused a sense of duty and obligation to the rights of others (short of the whole oppression of women and African americans). I’m not saying it was perfect, but I am saying we’ve drifted way off course.

Lastly, bring yourself to an understanding. The beauty of this all is there are 7,124,999,972.5 potential friends, spouses, extended family, in-laws, cyber-buddies and other various people in this world for you to connect with. Try caring about what they may need. Don’t expect a payback, benefit or anything at all. Just do for others. You still reading this? Go, you have things to do and NOT for yourself!

Luck?

How many times have you caught yourself witnessing something that leaves you saying or thinking, that was lucky? How many times have you thought, what are the odds of that? You know, as Christians I think we often get caught up in thinking that miracles and blessings should be wrapped in radiant light and accompanied by an army of angels. From a business perspective we tend to attribute the good things that happen to our hard work and intelligence. We like to think we earned it. I think this leaves us neglecting the fact that if we believe in God and we believe in His son Jesus Christ then we know things aren’t just “lucky”. Even when we put in work with our God-given talents and abilities we’re still blessed to have that opportunity at all. (Philippians 4:19)

When was the last time you as an employee or business owner felt blessed that you received your paycheck or that someone paid their bill on time? It’s not our nature to feel that is a blessing since people “owe” us that money, right? Well, guess what? There are people this very day whose businesses may not make it due to being owed money by people or companies that aren’t paying them for one reason or another. There are people right now wondering how they’ll make Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas gifts for their kids happen because they are owed money by their employer. You see even the simplest things that we come to expect and rely on are indeed blessings and sometimes miracles in disguise.

Think back to all the things you’ve prayed for during your life. If you’re like me you’ve probably blocked out the teenage years or you’re able to laugh very hard at those prayers now. Oh how clueless we were. Whether it was about the one you couldn’t live without or that spot on the team those prayers at that time meant the world to us. Aren’t you glad God doesn’t get caught up in our emotions and desires but remains focused on His desires for our lives? Imagine life if you’d received the answer you wanted (at that time) to every prayer you’ve made. Exactly. Garth Brooks sang it best with the lyrics “Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers.”

In my professional life if God would have granted me every job or promotion I thought I wanted or needed at the time then what I’m doing now would look very different. Although I may very well be comfortable and have a good career I wouldn’t be doing the things God has placed in my heart to do. I would have settled in my career and been left to wonder “what if”.

We tend to look at people in the friend, family, or enemy camp. That is human nature. It is not, however, Christ’s nature. Quite often after a bad relationship, either dating or a friendship, we remember the negative and are thankful those relationships are over. What we often fail to realize is that even when things don’t work out in those relationships they are still blessings. They help us to grow, mature, and hopefully reflect on how we come across to others a little deeper. It’s not about what someone has done to you as much as it is how you handle it and how difficult it is for you to extend grace.

Professionally if I stayed hung up on every employer who has slighted me then I would have had very few opportunities and more than likely very little advancement. Most importantly I wouldn’t have open doors and solid relationships with previous employers. Those relationships with former mentors and employers have evolved into friendships and open lines of communication that all serve to expand my professional network and experience. How would you feel if every employer you had was unforgiving for every time you were five minutes late or using their computer to surf the internet?

You see all these things that we consider normal and routine all work together for part of a bigger picture. The bigger picture being that quite often blessings and even miracles aren’t evident on the surface. Behind the scenes of those paychecks you are owed or unpaid invoices may be a person or business struggling mightily just like you may be. They may be wondering how they will keep their head above water. Then, a way is provided. Even though you don’t know the details and you are only receiving what you were “owed” it was in fact a behind the scenes miracle. How many of those have you missed?

We probably won’t ever truly know the answer to that last question until the day we meet our Lord and Savior. However, in this current life we have the ability to put our self aside and grow more in Christ. As this happens, you will be more aware and consequently more thankful, for the blessing and miracles that happen in our “routine” lives every single day. (2 Corinthians 5:17, 2 Corinthians 4:16)

When Business Is Not Just Business

You’ve heard it said, “business is business”. That holds true for most business-first type mindsets. However, if you claim to be a Christian and to know Jesus Christ, it will never be business-first and it will always be people-first. Yeah, I know, I lost some of you there. You shook your head and the voice inside said “that’s why your way will never work in the business world.” Wrong.

Putting people first is never a hindrance or burden to your business or profession. As a business owner or professional you aren’t doing employees, coworkers, or often even customers any favors if they can’t count on you for honest feedback and instruction. Not just verbally, but in demonstration and commitment as well.

Let’s say you have a salesman on your staff who is a terrible people person, lacks knowledge of your product or service and isn’t convincing in anything they do, other than convincing you that they are bad at sales. Putting this person first is not blindly overlooking the obvious. Putting them first is caring enough to point out where their weaknesses lie, offering to help correct them and giving them a chance as you support and encourage them in their effort of improvement. At this point, your commitment has either helped them grow and become better at the job or proved that they are ill suited for sales. If the latter holds true, then keeping that person in that position is actually harming them. People need to be good at what they do and to feel valued. That is impossible when you’re not good at what you do. People are usually aware of this even if they won’t admit it. Most of us know when we’re bad at something or it doesn’t suit us. At this point, we find a position where they are better suited or we release them to find a position somewhere else that better suits them.

We see this lack of honesty and clarity in the personal and professional realm all the time. We see it in friendships, marriages, families, etc. Rather than risk hurting someone’s feelings or offending them we just ignore the issue or worse, we sometimes support and encourage the problem in what we perceive as a spirit of love, loyalty or passivity. All of these can actually cause much more damage to ignore than to lovingly, caringly and committedly address the problem.

How many times have you seen or been a child that lacks talent and ability in a certain area? Most of us wish the child would excel. The truth and best interest of that child isn’t the easy route. The worst thing for that child is to have “those parents” who tell them how great they are and how bad everyone else is. “Those parents” who are the loudest and most obnoxious cheering section and always find fault with the other children while only pointing out the good in their own. The child’s lack of talent and ability will be exposed at some point. They will be forced to realistically confront their actual talent and abilities compared to those who genuinely excel. They will either see it for themselves or their peers will point it out. Life works that way. Business is no different.

Had “those parents” backed off and taken a long term, yet difficult approach to their child’s future they would have better prepared them for what lay ahead. Perhaps, as is the goal of all parents, they would have steered them into finding their true gift or calling. Painful correction, discipline or interaction now can save someone from even worse pain or failure in their future. Providing someone with a false foundation in confidence, identity, and self-recognition insures that future battles with adversity and insecurity will be much more difficult than necessary. Loving and having a heart for others gets you dirty and requires hard work and commitment.

If someone is ill suited for a position based on their skillset and disposition then encouraging or supporting them in a continuation down that path is dishonest, lacks true compassion and is not a display of genuine love at all. It’s either a display of insecurity or lack of care and commitment.

As a conclusion to this, we have one last key issue. You cannot possibly instruct someone in love and concern for their well-being if you yourself are riddled with insecurity or suffer from a lack of integrity. If you do, this will come to light immediately. Not only in the results but also in your relationship with those around you. (Proverbs 11:3 The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them. Luke 6:31 Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.)

If you aren’t honest with yourself and willing to open up and receive constructive and honest criticism from those closest to you then you yourself are not yet equipped to provide instruction. If this is the case, you have to work on you, your heart, and your relationship with your Heavenly Father. If you’re right with Him and are confident of your identity according to Him then you should be equipped for this commitment to loving, sowing into and committing to making a difference in the lives of others.

No one called to lead in the business realm should be riddled with insecurity. Insecurity always breeds insecurity. Insecurity is an emotional and contagious cancer. As a business leader you have the responsibility of surrounding yourself with friends and mentors who put your well-being and personal growth ahead of being your friend. These people don’t always tell you things that are easy to hear, but they help stretch you. They help hold you accountable. You have a responsibility to yourself and others to not surround yourself with your “boys and girls” but to surround yourself with men and women of integrity who aren’t scared to leave a mark when necessary. Insecure people cannot deal with this.

You won’t be a perfect leader or coworker. You will make mistakes. Remember, people can handle you making mistakes and not being perfect, when they know that you genuinely care about them. What makes the difference is being transparent and taking ownership for your actions. Be the leader or coworker people need and they will become the employees and coworkers you and your company need. By doing the right things, the right way, everyone wins in life and business in spite of the outcome.

Get Up You Have Work To Do

Making a commitment to pursue your dreams will lead you down one of the scariest paths you’ve ever traveled. Behind every good success story are chapters of failure, despair, choices to keep moving forward or give up and countless other struggles prior to the victory. Is it coincidence that life works this way? Is it odd that the ultimate blueprint for life, the Bible, is loaded with these very stories from each and every victor?

God created us (all of US) to be victors. He created us to grow through struggles and to be molded into the very likeness (more and more like Jesus) it takes to grow in Him and in His will for your life (1 John 2:6, Galatians 2:20, Colossians 3:1-25). Life works this way not so we experience pain and defeat but that we can grow in ways that allow us to prepare for and build on victory. The greatest breakthroughs in life occur right after the toughest struggles. I, and many I know, would argue that you can never really appreciate victory if you haven’t overcome a struggle.

A mentor of mine was once giving me a tour of his property that included some hunting land stocked with trophy bucks, a beautiful cabin he had built complete with hybrid bass stocked lake and helicopter landing pad on a peninsula in the lake. As we talked, he said to me, “I always told myself I’d be a millionaire by the time I was 30. Little did I know, I’d lose it all by 35.” He then told me he’d bought this very property twice. Could he have done that if he’d groveled and become bitter in his failure after his first loss? Would he have reached the levels of success he knows now (Those levels include selling multiple businesses for seven and even eight digit figures and continuing to operate several highly profitable companies)?

I read often. Books about business and Christian oriented books to help me grow spiritually. I read and study the things I’m passionate about. The fact of the matter is, however, all the reading and education in the world does me no good if I don’t have real world experience. As painful as it is, failure is part of that experience.

I am where I am in my life right now because I knew God had called me to step out in faith and trust that the visions and dreams He planted in my heart could be achieved if I was faithful to Him and His plan for me. I’d love to tell you that I said “Yes” and that everything after that has all been a blessing poured down on me. What God knew that I didn’t, was that if I were aware of the struggles and trials I’d be put through I probably never would have stepped out at all. If I’d known I’d be dealing with the things I’ve dealt with in this journey I’d have stayed where it was safe.

Based on where I came from, my level of formal education and background in general, where I was could have already been considered victory. I could have anchored down, played it safe and thanked God for blessing me the way He did. I could have been satisfied and content that my family was provided for, I had a good job, and I got to see places all over North America and even Europe. Places I never dreamed I’d see. Michael Irwin said, “In life, you’re either moving forward or backwards, towards something or away from it, growing stronger or becoming weaker. Always striving to be in a constant positive motion.” Reread that, and let it sink in.

Where are you right now? Are you focusing on how very hard everything is? Are the struggles all compounding and making you think you should just give up? Are you wondering why these challenges come to you? If you are a Christian, you should thank God. Thank God that you have these thoughts and these trials because the only way you will overcome and grow is to put all your faith in God and His plan for your life. (James 1:2-8)

I’m in a fight right now as are many of you. Most people would tell me (and you) to seek shelter and comfort. Take the easy route. Christian’s aren’t called to the easy. We are called to overcome the toughest trials, struggles, attacks and obstacles in life through the sheer blessing of God’s grace and love. When that happens, we glorify Him (and that is the true value of a Christian life). You don’t know faith if you’ve never struggled. You don’t know victory until you’re down to nothing, with limited or no options on the horizon, thinking you know God has to work in this particular way and He shows up in a way you never imagined. You don’t know how good God is until you’re facing something you know would send the old you into a tailspin of anger, depression, defeat or all three and you come out the other side stronger and more on fire for God than you’ve ever been. We’ve already won, but only God knows how and when. That is enough for me. (John 16:33)

It’s time for you to get up. Stop being complacent. Stop thinking and start doing. Start moving forward. Start your day in prayer. Take time out for reading your Bible. Surround yourself with others who share your goal. People who make you better. It’s time to move forward and step into what God has for you. I will offer you one last piece of advice: Buckle up, it’s going to be one wild ride. (2 Timothy 5-9 MSG)

If you have a story of overcoming that can help those who may read this, please do share in the comments section below. As Christians we are called to do life together. People like to hear other people being real. It encourages others when you share your stories. If you need prayer and guidance in overcoming your own battles, comment below, or email us at info@christianbusinessalliance.org. That is what this is all about.

The Best Gift Is To Care

It’s that time of year again. The holidays, end of year taxes, finances, possibly inventory and all the other fun things you get to deal with in your business. Your employees are all stressed out over their preparation for their own family Christmas and wondering just what that bonus will be this year (assuming you are one of the few companies who still give bonuses). It’s that time of year where everyone is so consumed with spending money, decorations, festivities and other peripheral clutter that we all lose sight of what this season should really be about. Employees are distracted and preoccupied with everything else and are for the most part less productive from now into the New Year.

From someone who has management experience and is very driven and mindful of company resources it makes you want to snap everyone to attention. Remind them that if not for the job they have the stress wouldn’t even be possible. If not for the provision their paycheck provides they would in fact have nothing at all. Remind employees that they have a job to do so stay focused. Remind them that bonuses aren’t to be expected and that receiving anything at all should make you thankful. Then I remember how I felt in their shoes. I remember the things that were important to me.

I worked for a company once that had approximately 450 employees at the time. They had several offices around the Southeast and into Texas. The owner of the company personally called every employee on their birthday. He not only told them “Happy Birthday” but asked questions about their personal lives and how their job was going. This same company provided all employees with a Christmas card and a $50 bill at Christmas time on top of the annual Christmas party dinner. The way they went about this made it count. Everyone felt like they mattered, because they do.

During my time with another company I experienced a similar feeling around the holidays. The owner seemed to relish his role as Santa. The two weeks leading up to Christmas quite often found employees who arrived at their desk to find gift cards, bottles of wine or liquor (I am not advocating this), and various other types of gifts. Honey Baked Hams arrived for each employee and a Christmas party/dinner was planned each year. Bonuses were sometimes given as early as 3 weeks prior to Christmas. It was an exciting time and a wonderful gesture that made you feel appreciated.

I also know the feeling of being completely let down. One of the best paying jobs I held also included the promise of an annual bonus due in December that was “discretionary”. Apparently discretionary in that case, meant zero. Zero in spite of achieving results and going above and beyond my specified duties. This company sent no Christmas card, had no Christmas party, and made no effort and gifts or tidings of any kind. Nothing.

The Christmas holidays present the perfect opportunity for you as a business owner, leader or employee to have an impact on someone and make a difference. Yes, times are stressful. People may in fact be preoccupied and less productive. Use this as an opportunity to show grace. Sympathize with people and their situations. The holidays are a difficult time for many people. This can be due to the loss of a loved one around that time or simply not having them there for the holidays, financial burdens, broken families, etc. You cannot “fix” these problems. You can, however, choose to care.

I encourage you, if you are in a position of influence with your company, to look for ways to spread Christmas cheer among your employees. Random gift cards are nice and people can use them for last minute Christmas shopping. Lunch at the office is nice and fosters a team atmosphere. Most of us know of employees who have outstanding medical bills so why not make a contribution towards those expenses (maybe even anonymously)? Give Christmas bonuses in time for employees to use this for their holiday shopping. Invite that single person, bachelor, or single mom/dad and their child who would otherwise spend Christmas alone over to your Christmas dinner. Look for ways to care.

These suggestions and principals should apply to your treatment of employees and coworkers year round but what better time of year to start focusing on this and becoming intentional in your efforts? When you foster an atmosphere of care and appreciation for your employees and coworkers that care and appreciation will be reciprocated. No, not by everyone, but by the majority. This will be reflected in the culture and dynamic of your company. In the end, people work harder, longer, and sacrifice more for people who truly care about them and reflect this in the way they treat others.

No matter how cliché, you can make a difference this holiday season.   So, rather than just having a Merry Christmas, find ways to help others have a Merry Christmas because that in itself is so much more rewarding.

What Are Your Priorities?

One crucial aspect in assuring you as a Christian are successful in your calling for work in the business realm is working to insure your priorities are clear and straight. I suggest you write these down somewhere, expand on them briefly, and revisit them in times of triumph and of struggle. All the success in the world means nothing if you compromise everything to gain it. (Mark 8:36)

First priority for any Christian, period, is their relationship with their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Insuring you place priority on your spiritual growth will give you everything you need to overcome adversity and manage success. Ways to do this include: prayer, being connected to a local church, study of and time reading your Bible, small groups through your church, and a strong group of friends composed of fellow Christians. Maintaining this most important of priorities will also serve to strengthen you in avoiding the inevitable temptations that arise in business such as cutting corners, white lies, inappropriate workplace relationships and avoiding difficult conversations that would best serve you and employees or coworkers, just to name a few. Placing emphasis on your strength and identity in Jesus won’t by any means make you perfect but will give you the tools to handle the imperfections, including God’s grace to forgive yourself and others when mistakes are made.

The second priority on most people’s list should be family. Even men and women who go to work every day to jobs they love generally do so to provide for their family at home. By family I don’t necessarily mean wife or husband and kids. A family starts the moment you’re married so it can in fact just be your spouse. Make sure that all your hard work and dedication to success don’t come at the expense of your family at home. If you have to neglect your support system and those who love and care for you then you have tarnished not just your personal legacy but also the gifts God granted you that allowed your success. You will be much more successful in business with a happy home. (I Timothy 5:8)

Oddly enough, in discussing these keys to success, we’re going to make dedication to your work, as in your career or business, the number three priority. Crazy, right? Number three? As Christians, get used to it. If you apply man’s logic to life you will quickly run afoul of God logic. You know, the God logic that puts others first? The God logic that loves the unlovable and forgives the unforgivable as Jesus also forgave us? Stay fresh and zealous in your career path and focus. When you know you’re working where God has called you, don’t allow yourself to become mired in discontent. Maintain your focus on the ultimate goal God has placed in your heart. Educate yourself on this goal through reading, documentaries, spending time with successful people in your field or the business realm in general and overall maintaining your excitement and passion for your career or business. (Isaiah 55:8, Matthew 5:46, Colossians 3:13)

The last focus, although not by level of importance, will be your goals. What is your mission in business? How does that mission statement you wrote back when your company began read? What was your passion and focus when you began your career journey? Keep that goal constant and maintain focus. If you happen to achieve that goal, move it back and create a greater one. Don’t become complacent.

I realize these are all fairly simple and common sense goals. I would also like to state that I struggle with maintaining focus and adhering to all the advice I just offered. Yes, I am a motivated individual. I am very competitive and that drives me for success. My problem is I can rarely keep all of these in line at the same time. I am far from perfect and I suspect the same for you. Let’s work on these goals together and as a community I think we as Christian business men and women and all of those we do life with will be better off for it.