For me, Mother’s Day is a time to reflect on just how influential so many women have been in my life. You see, although Mother’s Day is generally viewed as the day to celebrate our birth mother or the woman in our childhood most directly responsible for raising us, I prefer to celebrate this day by interpreting Mother’s Day in the verb tense. Therefore, Mother’s Day to me is a day to celebrate the women who “bring up a child with care and affection.” Fortunately, I’ve had many.
Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t open with my birth mother as it would be quite selfish to overlook the woman who endured 8 months (I was a preemie baby, which actually set the tone for my continuing flaw of impatience) of my freeloading. My birth mother had a difficult first pregnancy and wasn’t even sure she would have another child until meeting my father. I am quite glad she decided for one more.
Looking back now helps me to better understand just how much my mother endured, overcame and ultimately conquered to bring me into this world. Married young, perhaps as a desired escape route to her broken and poverty-stricken childhood, or maybe just because someone finally made her feel wanted, my mother had a difficult first marriage. An experience like this would scar many deep enough to never trust again.
After this she turned to Uncle Sam and signed up for the United States Air Force. A decision that, although not suiting my mother’s personality, has most definitely been one that remains a winner. It helped her to find avenues outside of her hometown, leave behind the smoldering ashes of a broken marriage and heartbreaking circumstances with her first child that still haunt her today. Ultimately, it led her to my father, which is of course, where I come in.
My mother was never the disciplinarian. Quite the contrary, she was always the spoiler. In hindsight I now understand that’s definitely not always a good thing, but I appreciate it, nevertheless. My parents didn’t make much money, and although not necessarily wise, my mother would shirk wisdom if it meant providing something for me she never had. I know without a doubt my mother loves me no matter what mistakes she’s seen me make. She’s always on my side regardless of the circumstances and she’s always there to do anything in her power when I need her. That helps to make all the difference. We all need a mom in our corner. So, to my birth mother, I appreciate your sacrifice and selflessness when it came to providing for me. You no doubt think I’m more handsome, smarter, successful, wiser and overall better than I actually am and I thank you.
Next, would be my aunt in name only as she was very much a mother to me. Growing up as an only child, the closest thing I had to brothers and sisters were my first cousins and I have to say they made excellent substitutes as siblings. To me, my aunt was the epitome of motherhood in that she was constantly cooking, cleaning or taking us kids somewhere. The more kids she had under her wings, the merrier. The patience of a saint, she provided an atmosphere of fun, warmth and protection I still smile about often.
I’ll never forget as we all grew older and our innocence faded I began to understand that all the “happy” marriages I imagined as a child were far from it. You just never wake up to what people actually deal with until it’s too late. I mean, we knew, but you don’t accept it until it happens. She loved and nurtured me like I was one of her own. Her ability to keep a spotless house even with children in and out as well as cook meals that would make famous southern chefs surrender is still the standard bearer for me. So, the day she wasn’t there anymore was a monumental day in my life. I felt relief for her. I felt guilty thinking of how hard she tried and how long she must have stayed for her own children and whether true or not, I liked to believe for me also. I can still remember the cascade of tears as I penned a most heartfelt letter that I insisted be delivered to her. I’ll never forget visiting her in her new home far away years later and seeing that letter framed. God bless women like her who dealt with things we’ll never truly understand and put themselves to the side in order to help mold many children, including men like me, and countless others she played a hand in raising.
Although there is a Grandparent’s Day, my grandmother deserves recognition right here on Mother’s Day. Living in close proximity to her for the majority of my young life gave me access to one of my biggest fans. The feeling of unconditional love she provided in my life is a hole that remains to this day after she left us to be with our Lord and savior. I still catch myself wishing she could share in my happiness in times of achievement. I still wish she was there for comfort food, hugs and her love in times when I feel defeat. Looking back now and learning more of her story adds to just how remarkable a woman she was. Her childhood would have left most women in a heap of depression and brokenness and even though it certainly took a toll on her life it helped her to be one of best grandmothers on the face of this planet.
In a strange dynamic that could only come from south Alabama, another champion of motherhood who has been there as a mother-figure to me would be my son’s maternal grandmother. A fiery woman with grit and determination nearly unparalleled. Understanding her climb, the hard way, to completing a college degree and becoming vice president of a bank all while raising two children is truly inspiring. Few people would forge a relationship with the then young man/boy who made you a grandmother before your anticipated time. Although not happy at the time in a less than ideal situation, I am thankful of her ability to look beyond the circumstances and trust my commitment to raising her grandson and her willingness and ability to forge a mother-son type relationship with me.
This woman continues to support, encourage and inspire me in pursuit of my dreams and in raising one of her most precious treasures on this earth, her first grandchild. As I watch her now in her battle against breast cancer, I can’t help but think of all the fight she’s always displayed. One of the toughest women I know. If there is ever a person I’ve met that will defeat cancer, put it in the rearview and make it a stepping stone in her story, it’s her. I can’t thank her enough for her love, correction when necessary, support and her above all commitment to my son.
You see, the list goes on. Another of my aunt’s played a pivotal mother-like role from my mid to late teens into my early twenties in a time when she remained the only family I had left around me. Even after a heated clash where words were spoken that couldn’t be taken back, she showed me the real meaning of family by putting it aside and being there when I needed her most. She let it go and in doing so showed me that family is at the heart of everything. We must forgive, forget and above all, be there for each other. In a true overabundance of blessing this same aunt contributed to my love of all things fried and southern style.
If I truly broke this down and continued into the one or two friend’s mothers who also played pivotal roles in my upbringing then I could probably turn this blog into a book. From allowing me to hang out at their house and eat their food, to opening their hearts and imparting all the love and wisdom they had to offer, I wouldn’t be a fraction of who I am today without them.
The women mentioned along with later contributions, like those of my mother-in-law who blesses me with encouragement and love, are the foundational relationships and support system that allow us all to chase our goals and ambitions. They allow us to weather the tumultuous storms of this life and encourage us of the brighter days ahead. How blessed we are to have mothers and let’s all thank them on this Mother’s Day.
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