Masculism: Man Up!

My fellow men, it’s time. It’s time we do what we have to do to gain equal standing in this world. It’s time we stare adversity and opposition in its evil man-hating eyes and openly rebuke the feminization of men worldwide.

Many social breakthroughs begin with a movement of the people. Civil rights, women’s rights, anti-war and so on. Yes, there have been misguided movements as well, and many of those can be lumped together and referred to as the Bowel Movements, but let’s move on.

I’m here to introduce Masculism. Those of us who are tired of our manly rights being trampled, shamed and underappreciated won’t take it anymore. From here on out we’ll be referred to as Masculinists. We will no longer be ashamed of being masculine. We’ll no longer be neutered by society and overbearing female influence in our lives. There will be no gender identity issues here!

Since all movements need a platform, allow me to offer the following:

• Hair growth will be championed once again, as a source of pride and masculinity. Hairy men should have no shame. No more anxiety when we clog the shower drain. No more guilt over neglecting to shave. We’re men, by God! Even those of us who can grow a nice beard with manly hair everywhere except the space between our bottom lip and chin. No more, Amish/Mennonite beard shaming! Manly hair is just plain manly.

• Manly clothing will be a source of pride. We will no longer submit to the feminization of clothing by allowing our fellow men to be shamed, tricked and brainwashed into wearing women’s pants, commonly referred to as skinny jeans. Furthermore, unless you live in the northeastern United States, every man will have at least one pair of boots in his closet. We will not wear skin-tight leotards, man purses, scarves or neckerchiefs. Feminine clothing ends now!

• Bathing will be optional at the discretion of the individual man, and not subject to the whining, complaining, or scrutiny of spouses, co-workers or friends. Men smell like men and we’ll be proud. Stop using the cute body wash your wife strategically placed in the shower. It’s all a conspiracy men. A plan to make us all smell like giggly girls on Friday night, in order to pacify the sensitive nasal proclivities of women. We’re men, and men should smell like men and be proud! Don’t worry about the less frequent family visits, the lack of intimacy from your partner, or the avoidance of your children. When this movement is established they will have no choice but to conform to our putrid manly world!

• Bodily functions will not be denied in order to pacify our sissy culture of mamby-pamby women and lady-men. You’re a man. When you chug a root beer, IPA or other manly drink with carbonation, you belch like a man and be proud. Slam that drink down and proclaim you’ll have another and see if you can bump that burp-o-meter up a notch. Men are meant to be crude and we will no longer allow the reproach of women to deny us the enjoyment of ripping one wherever we please. Eat those beans, men! Be proud of the ability to pee standing up! We have work to do.

Wake up men! Stop living the lie they want you to live. We’re not puppets. If feminists have a right to hairy legs and underarms then we’ll crush them at their own game. If they want to burn a bra, we’ll go them one better and hold a jock-strap burning rally. We will NOT be denied.

You know what to do. Light a grill, find a real man sport on television, invite your ripe-smelling buddies over, scratch, burp, grunt and be men. Be proud men! We’re not gonna take it, men! Wait, wasn’t that band called Twisted Sister and they all dressed like women? Scratch that (pun intended). Find some Johnny Cash, Waylon or other manly artist and turn it up.

Masculism is here. Get ready.

Boys Will Be Boys (That Grow Into Men Who Are Boys)

I suppose I should be thankful for the timeless cliché of “boys will be boys”. It has been used to excuse my own mischievous endeavors on many occasions during my upbringing. So, while I’m not opposed to this classic phrase, I offer a word of caution on how and when this is used.

You see, what we have in our current culture is an epidemic. Not so much in medical terms as in terms of psychological development. I’m not certain what the proper name for this would be, although I could offer many, so I’m going to call it “Little Johnny Syndrome” in homage to the tales of a rambunctious and troubled little boy always used to illustrate a dirty or inappropriate joke. I bet everyone in Little Johnny’s life during his childhood was heard to utter, “boys will be boys.”

I’m not taking the stance that there aren’t certain behaviors that are common among male children. We all know this to be true. This in itself isn’t our problem at all. Hey, if your son hears nature calling and needs to take a whiz outside, then by all means, boys will be boys. Do you have a son who wants a tool pouch, lunch box, uniform, hat, boots or anything of that nature to help him look just like dad? Classic and healthy (in most cases, depending on what dad is doing) example of a boy being a boy. This is how boys should learn, from men.

Our problem today is that few men are being men. They’re too busy blaming others for everything wrong with their life, desperately finding ways to hang with their buddies while neglecting family duties and responsibility, or knocking up a woman and heading for the hills. God forbid sex can produce children! Even worse, children require care and the child’s mother may actually expect something of you. What an unjust world! Poor men just have it so rough.

My reasoning for the widespread infection of Little Johnny Syndrome is of course, fatherlessness. However, beyond that I would suggest that “boys will be boys” has become a dangerous and harmful crutch in our society and is often used to justify or explain away behavior that should in fact offer a teachable moment that helps said boy to learn a lesson in order to become the man he’s meant to be and not the producer of another fatherless boy.

A primary example of this would be in how a boy relates to women. So many of us grew up in a time where we progressed from ogling swimsuit models to sneaking a Playboy. What’s that you say? Boys will be boys? Well, there you have it.

Mom and/or dad found out and rather than using this opportunity to have a discussion about the value and respect young men should have for women, we patted Little Johnny on the back and told him it was “normal” to look at those things, normal to be curious. Curiosity is of course normal, but curiosity unguided and left unchecked often becomes harmful.

Fast forward to Big Johnny living a life of fantasy and lust over every pair of breasts, well-shaped female bodies or provocatively dressed women he sees. Big Johnny is thrice divorced and still can’t understand why he’s unable to find a woman willing to perform Cirque de Soleil type maneuvers in his bedroom every night and allow him to sit in his recliner and drink beer during his free time. His computer is loaded with porn and he wouldn’t know how to value his wife at this point if he tried. Sadly, Big Johnny is raising a son just like him without even knowing it and his daughter is out trying to find acceptance and validation from any man that shows her attention.

What’s that you say? Don’t schools teach young men these things? Won’t they learn from other male figures? Sure. They’ll learn masturbation is normal too, but what they won’t learn is where normal stops. Certainly we don’t want to take kids back to the shameful “you’ll go blind” days but shouldn’t this development become a teaching moment to discuss self-control with your sons? Don’t most grown men realize through experience that if they never take charge over their own bodies and more specifically over their male desires, then they’ll live a broken life due to always being controlled by their addictions and desires? Don’t we owe it to our sons to let them know that yes, all boys deal with this, and although they’re not freaks, they do need to understand restraint and self-control.

If you can teach your son to master that discipline then you’ll be well on your way to having a young man with a foundation that can help him achieve true success. If you turn the “boys will be boys” blind eye (no pun intended) then you’ll have set your son up for failure and hardship that was most certainly avoidable.

It’s time for parents to stop avoiding difficult and uncomfortable topics with their sons and start using those very topics as foundations for lessons and teaching that will benefit them more than any book learning they receive at school or university.

Porn, lust, promiscuity, objectification of women are all detrimental to the fabric of our society. Just look around at the number of broken homes, marriages and lives. The numbers put together by the government may say teen pregnancy is dropping, but the underlying issue is left to grow. Our men don’t know and aren’t being raised to be men at all. They’re all just Little Johnny’s becoming Big Johnny’s under the guise of “boys will be boys”.

I’ll finish this with a word to single mothers. I apologize on behalf of men. We’ve failed you. Not only in oppressive methods such as the right to vote, own property, etc. but more importantly in being a generation of men who run. We run from marriage (sometimes right into another marriage), we run from responsibility and we run from our problems. To make matters worse, many of us blame a woman for our own bad decisions and shortcomings. These issues leave you, the child-bearer, with little choice but to suck it up and do the best you can in the best interest of your child.

With that out of the way, let’s get down to business. Women are often the softer side, by nature the nurturer. Kids need both. Yes, they need you to kiss their wounds, hug them when life is hard and tuck them in at night. In the absence of a father, they need so much more. The conversations meant for the father must still be had either by you or a close and trusted male family member. These boys have to understand being men and not fall prey to our culture’s definition of normal.

If a boy grows up watching a mother and her revolving door of men, then that young man will have difficulty in respecting, trusting and truly cherishing women. He’s going to seek that type of relationship and often be doomed from the start. Two broken people, not fully understanding their internal issues, trying to find fairy-tale love. Your son needs you to be strong and respect yourself. He’ll learn so much about how he should treat women from that alone.

Mothers are fiercely protective and their sons are their babies. They react and move to shield, protect and minimize any harm. This is acceptable to a certain degree; however, too much of this and your baby will be that young man that can’t respect authority from any male figure. You may not always like your son’s coaches, teachers or friends’ fathers but so much harm can be done if you don’t raise a boy who can respect male authority. He’ll struggle in school, sports and later in his work. Enroll your son in scouts, sports or some other activity with male authority at an early age. As long as the authority refrains from being physically or verbally abusive (not by your overly protective definition) then stay out. You owe that to your son if you ever want him to be a man.

I’m not sure about the rest of you but I myself strive to raise a young man with character, integrity and godly principals. A young man that grows into a husband and father that respects, honors and cherishes his wife and children. A man that defends the weak and has a heart to give of both his time and resources in order to help others. A man that understands life does not revolve around him and that his life has purpose.

So, what are you waiting for? Go have that awkward conversation with your son now. Teach that young man to control his body, his thoughts and his actions. Discipline, self-control, self-worth and his respect for himself and women will all be better because of it.

11 Steps to Not Suck at Being a Father

You know, sometimes I write these insightful wisdom filled blogs in order to share some humor and at other times, like this, I write them to fulfill my duty to humanity and reach out to the people of this world. You know, shine a light. Hey, you call it a flicker in a darkroom, I call it shine a light.

I suppose now you’re going to ask me what exactly qualifies me for writing a blog on the subject matter of this title. Glad you asked. I am one. I’m a stepdad too and all three combined kids are still alive, clothed, eat and are afforded other various luxuries in this life.

Secondly, I had a great man for a father. A rare case of dad who could handle dad and mom duties when necessary. A dad who valued honesty and integrity and embodied it. Not perfect, but a great dad and now a best friend.

I personally believe, as I’ve shared before in 12 Steps to Not Suck at Being a Man, that a father’s very basic responsibility is monetary provision, food and shelter. For me, this isn’t debatable and there is no excuse otherwise. However, meeting a basic step to not suck at being a man doesn’t make you a father.

Fathers have a responsibility to instill stability, self-worth, confidence, discipline and the model for what a daughter should expect from her future husband and what a man should expect to be for his future wife. Fathers are also the most important influence in developing a child’s social skills and mitigating possible behavioral issues both early on and later in life. (For more reading on this see www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/the-role-of-fathers-with-daughters-and-sons/)

Judging from today’s society, I’m going to go out on a limb and make the rather sarcastic assumption that there are many, many fathers in our day and age who suck at being fathers. I’m here to help men. With these simple steps we’ll make sure you have some guidelines to help you avoid the “YOU SUCK” list. (Please note that I have contemplated my harsh use of the word “suck” to apply to people who struggle with certain skillsets. I have considered all my Christian friends and their Pharisee-like judgment of a Christian man using such words. Get over it. I’ve decided I enjoy it, it’s funny and you need to relax both so we can enjoy this together and so I don’t have to blog about you.)

Without further ado, let’s get on with our list of 12 Steps to Not Suck at Being a Father:

• Give your child your time. They don’t make any more of it and your child needs yours. Get off Facebook, put down the laptop and quit blogging, leave work or anything else that gets in your way and spend time with your children. Forts, movies, walks, playing in the park, pushing them in a swing, video games and on and on. Time, just give them your time.
• Help your child mold their values and beliefs based on the values and beliefs you model. This goes one of two ways, either you model and teach your children values and beliefs or the world does. Look at it like this, either you teach your child about the real world or they’ll seek out the MTV world. So, if you’re okay with your children coming home from their public school and believing they’re just high-end monkeys free to have sex as they feel with whom they feel, choose their own gender, use whatever restroom makes them feel better and altogether do whatever they decide suits their mood then by all means don’t follow this step. WAKE UP MAN!
• Teach your children work ethic. Let’s face it, unless you’re one of the rising number of welfare entitled, freeloading moochers or fraudulent collectors of disability that leach off of the hard work of others then you too understand, lazy people suck. Hard work is important. You teach your children the value of hard work and even if they choose the wrong path or make some bad choices in life they’ll always have the ability to pick themselves up and meet their own basic needs. Unfortunately, lazy people abound in this country. They’re in the work place, our places of higher education, churches and any other place people are found. The bright side of this is that it’s not hard to excel if you know the value of hard work.
• Teach your sons to value women and your daughters about the value that should be placed on them (Yes, this was covered in 2 but deserved it’s own). Let’s not kid ourselves here, I bet you can think of several people right now that came from backgrounds with abusive fathers who are now abusive to their wives. I bet you can also think about women you know that dealt with absentee fathers or fathers who didn’t focus on or understand how to instill self-worth or value into them. It’s painful. You know those women because you have to block them from your newsfeed. You know these men because they’re angry, aggressive jackwagons that can’t see past themselves long enough for the good of others, even when it’s their own child.
• Teach your children the value of honesty. Because nobody, not even other liars, like liars. Honesty is the best policy and on an even more serious note tell your child that if they lie their nose will continue to grow longer just like Pinocchio. Make them watch the Disney cartoon version of Pinocchio to reinforce this important lesson.
• Teach your children respect. Respect for themselves is vital, but it’s equally important they learn to respect others. No one likes disrespectful children. It will also save you tons of time in trips to the school, parent-teacher conferences, bail money, legal fees and similar side effects of those who don’t understand the value of respect.
• Teach your children that real men can show emotion. Teach your children that it’s okay if dad has a glass of wine and sheds some tears while watching Lifetime. Just kidding. If you were following me there, slap yourself. Emotion is important though. Children with stone cold emotionless fathers tend to experience many issues early on and long term that stem from this disconnect. Hug your children, show them love, let them see you show affection for your wife. Let them see you react with human feelings that appropriately fit the circumstance.
• Let your children see you handle difficulty and adversity the right way. The best way to properly prepare your child for one day handling their own problems, hardships and other bumps in the road is to exemplify this in allowing them to see you walk through hard times. Children don’t always need you to shelter them from reality. They often need you to guide them in how the real world works and how they should respond.
• Discipline your children. Yes, it’s work. We covered lazy in number 3. No one likes brats. No one likes unruly children. Even more importantly when you properly discipline your children they learn to be respectful (number 6) and when you teach them self-discipline they can learn to proactively avoid unnecessary hardship by utilizing this virtue.
• Teach your children patience. This ties into discipline but is important to breakdown further. We do our children a huge injustice when we fail to teach them that the best things in life require patience and that with patience they can better enjoy the things life has to offer. In addition, we teach our children patience by being patient with them. They’re not perfect, just like we’re not. Don’t heap unfair expectations or standards on your child. Putting too much on a child sets the tone for a child or even an adult who one day collapses under the weight of expectation. Nothing good comes from it. Take a deep breath, calm down and deal with your children from a spirit of grace.
• Teach your children to love God. I didn’t include this one as much for the lesson (this one is pretty easy to understand) because even an atheist has a hard time arguing over the tenants of Christ. I included this more because by teaching, I mean modeling. Don’t beat your children over the head with “thee” and “though”. Don’t act like you have it all figured out and that by showing up at church on Sunday and reading your Bible you have achieved some mystical level of ninja Christianity that they should one day attain. Don’t use it to condemn behavior or as a scare-tactic for corrective behavior. I’m saying teach your children to have the eyes of Christ. A heart for the broken and downtrodden, the orphan and widow, the homeless, the least of these. Teach your children to see beyond labels and circumstances and identify and relate to the good in people. Teach them to champion the underdog and rebuke the bully. In other words, anything I’ve missed is more than made up for here. Live it for your kids to see.

I’d love to tell you that I myself have conquered all these, especially number 10. I’ve missed the mark on most if not all of them (especially number 10) at some point in time. That’s not what’s most important here. It’s never too late and we don’t have to be perfect. What we need to remember is that our children are a gift, a blessing. Our children will bring us the greatest joy and perhaps pain (hats off to mom’s who take the cake on the pain) in our life. More importantly though is that our children will grow to reflect what we modeled in their lives and be a living reminder of our influence. Let’s do all we can to stay mindful of this and equip our children to be a generation of conquerors. If you see the same world I do then you know we need to do all we can to insure we help equip more and more children to turn the tide back to a world that embraces moral truth.

12 Steps to Not Suck at Being a Man

Here it is. The day of reckoning. Don’t say I didn’t warn all of you. As I told you, I have opinions and I like to share them, hence the blog. I always welcome healthy, hearty and civil debate. With that said, spare me any unshaven knee-jerk reaction of feminist fury. I have my opinions and you have yours. You’re welcome to start your own blog and I may even read it and disagree strongly.

Today I’m going to tackle a subject that makes my blood pressure rise. Get to the point you say? What is this enlightening insight you wish to share? Calm down, I’m getting there. Changing the world one keystroke at a time isn’t that simple.

I’m going to share some of my beliefs on men. Yes, men. I know, I know. We’re supposed to stick together. Have each other’s backs. Testosterone power. Burp, watch sports, get nagged by our wives, wear awful clothes and altogether be useless without the right woman.

No one ever wants to talk about the traditional role of men anymore. Even worse, men run from their roles and responsibilities like Usain Bolt in the Olympics.

Although there are most certainly exceptions to the rule, overall whether observed through science or societal norms, men are the physically stronger sex. This should tell us all something. Even if you don’t share a Christian worldview as I do, then you still must accede to the fact that men are built for an obvious role. Protector, hunter, gatherer, provider. Yes, it seems your very being as a man is telling you something about the part you are meant to play in this life.

I know this all seems crazy in a world where we can’t even label a gender specific bathroom anymore but if we would all quit trying so hard to disprove blatantly obvious truth in the name of equality and come back down to earth where common sense answers these questions, then perhaps we can move on. Low and behold Bob is Bob and Sue is Sue and with only rare exceptions to this rule, they both have unique traits and characteristics that prepare them to serve in certain capacities.

Now, I’ll stop here and make a few clarifications. I am not a He-Man Woman Hater. I do believe women are just as, if not more capable, of doing the majority of things men do. I do not negate any woman who chooses to be a career woman. I blame this issue more on a society that values consumerism over community and has altogether devalued the role of the backbone of all healthy families (the mother) but that’s another blog entirely. So, let me be clear, women rock. They are smart and equally as competent on the whole as any men I know and being a man in a world without women would be boring and unfulfilling.

What I’d like to get back to here is the topic of men and their role and in contributing to the good of society. We have a responsibility as men, husbands and fathers and we shouldn’t take it lightly.

I have compiled a list we’ll call 12 Steps to Not Suck at Being a Man. I’m trying to help you here, so man up and make some changes if any of this applies to you:

1. If you sleep with ANY woman be prepared to father her child and honor her as that child’s mother. Odds are, a child may not happen but if it does then let’s not act like we’re unaware of what causes children. You think abstinence education is a lie? You think it’s uncool? Talk to Tim Tebow, Jase Robertson or Colt McCoy to name a few. All manly, all strong leaders, all virgins until they were married.  It’s certainly going to be one of the most difficult things to do as a man and isn’t valued in our society today, but the long term reward will be well worth it. As a side note, should a child be the product of your relationship with any woman you have basic responsibilities to that woman and your child. I don’t care how crazy you think she is, how much you hate her, she hates you or anything about her at all. As a man it is your direct responsibility to do all you can to insure your child has a roof over their head and food on their table. Period. End of story. Even the whiny child support stories. What the mother chooses to do with your obligation is not on you. Regardless of what she does, it does not change your responsibility. Your responsibility also doesn’t end there but for the sake of making other points I’ll limit this one. It’s worthy of its own blog.
2. There is no excuse for lazy and there is no substitute for hard work. No one, not even society, wants a man that won’t work. Stop making excuses, suck it up and get to work. You want a surefire way to be stuck in an unsatisfying life spent making mistakes, excuses and blaming others? Be lazy. You will most certainly have to do jobs in your life that you don’t like or want to do. Do them anyway. You do what you have to do to provide, advance and succeed.
3. Man up for God’s sake. It’s okay if say, your daughter, wife, Old Yeller or something along those lines causes you to tear up. Being sensitive isn’t necessarily a disqualifier for a man card. Being sensitive about dumb stuff, well that’s another story. Men need thick skin. If you don’t have thick skin, then you’ll always be susceptible to being played by your feelings. Men will eat you alive and push your buttons and women will eat you alive and push your buttons. So, if the Testosterone Police find you crying while watching Lifetime or pouting up because someone spoke harshly to you then they have every right to blow the Wuss Whistle, put a diaper on you and stick a pacifier in your mouth. You’re a man, act like one.
4. Don’t be so desperate. It’s disgusting. Have some dignity. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT be that guy. That guy on Facebook that comments on every female’s attention starved, cleavage filled bathroom selfie that silently screams about a father who wasn’t there (see number 1) and other insecurities that lead them to seek validation in all the wrong ways. You know that guy because right now a couple names popped in your head. They show up on every single female photo or post with the social media comment equivalent of a bad pick-up line. “You’re gorgeous”, “So Hottttt (with no limit to the number of t’s used just to be sure)”, “I want to be that puppy/baby/kitten or any other object close to the female pictured”, “Still as hot as always” and on and on. This is pathetic. It’s says one of three things about you men, either you’re the pictured female’s bestie and you two should get your nails done together (clear violation of man-code), you’re an insecure leg-hound desperately seeking your own validation, or you’re a narcissistic leg-hound with a Hugh Hefner complex. Have pride and respect for yourself and others.
5. Respect women. Chivalry may be rare, but it’s not dead. I don’t care what a fuzzy-legged, tree-hugging, abortion promoting feminist says. Don’t let a vocal minority ruin it for the rest of them. Open her door. Pull her chair out. Walk on the outside of the sidewalk. You should treat every single woman like you’d want someone to treat your mother, sister or daughter.
6. Dress for success. Many of us may lack fashion sense and it is okay to find some help here. What you wear says so much about you. From the desperate “I hate my father” ensembles of black with overboard piercings and other non-masculine attire to the “I was the fat-kid or dork in high school” offerings of constant muscle shirts and accentuating athletic wear, it all says something. Now, I’m certainly not Mr. GQ as anyone who knows me can attest to, but there are things men can and should wear and things they shouldn’t. Violations of man-code dress code include: Turtle-neck sweaters unless it’s Christmas and your grandmother bought it for you, skinny jeans if you have any testosterone or dignity at all (sorry youth pastors and wanna-be pop rockers), bikini underwear (no such thing as these for men no matter what the label says), fur anything with the exception of a coon-skin hat or bear fur, scarves, ascots, any neckerchief, short shorts (you are not Tom Selleck as Magnum PI and those days are gone), harem pants and leggings. There are most certainly others but you get the point. Dress like a man.
7. Any man is only as good as his word and a good man’s word is his bond. Don’t be a liar. Out of all the things you can be in this life, this is one you should be sure to avoid. It’s not always easy to tell the truth but the simple fact of the matter is, if you didn’t engage in things you didn’t want to take responsibility for then lying wouldn’t be necessary in the first place. Work very hard at being a man of your word. It matters.
8. Be a defender. Courage is stepping up to the plate when others are scared to do so. It doesn’t mean you’re not scared, it means you own your fear. Never be a man who watches others get bullied or abused. Be the man that takes a stand even when it’s uncomfortable.
9. Stop the porn. Really, stop it. Pornography demonstrates a lack of self-control and should be the very thing women fear most about men, in that you begin looking at women as the sum of their body parts rather than their substance. The women and men may very well willingly choose to engage in what you’re seeing but that in itself doesn’t make it justifiable. Strip clubs also aren’t the places real men hang out. Real men value their wives, daughters, sisters and mothers enough to realize that the women they’re objectifying are that very same thing to someone. Even if the women themselves choose to be there, it doesn’t mean you should support it. The problem is you. We’re all men here. We all love and are attracted to beautiful women. It’s how we are created, but we are also created with the gift of self-control. We all have it whether or not we choose to use it. Not using this makes us creeps, not manlier. Porn ruins marriages and lives.
10. Don’t play into the stereotype any longer. Pop culture and Hollywood would have us believe there are no more Andy Griffith’s and we’re left only with Al Bundy and Homer Simpson. Don’t be that guy. Really. Be a man that honors, protects, defends and serves others. Start with your family. Don’t be the lazy, stupid, sex-driven animal our culture says we are.
11. Never tell yourself or your buddies the grass is greener on the other side. Every single one of us have our own set of issues. If you or they leave their wife for someone else, the one guarantee is they’ll have a whole new set of problems on their hands. The new will wear off. The bathroom will stink when their new love uses it too. They’ll have habits that drive you just as crazy. We all like to hear our buddies complain and then take the path of least resistance and validate their gripes. Don’t do it. Hear them, listen, sympathize and be a real man when you give advice. Remind them about commitments and vows. Remind them about their word and their responsibility. True friends speak truth even when it’s not easy or what the other person wants to hear. Now, if this friend is yet to marry, let them run all they want. They’ll figure out the problem is them soon enough or they’ll spend their life as “that guy” we’ve discussed.
12. Mentor others. Men, we have a problem in this world. Too many children are born into fatherless homes. The statistics and studies behind the problems this creates have ramifications throughout our society. Whether through youth sports, volunteering at church, foster children, adoption, reaching out to a fatherless male family member or friend’s child, get involved. Be the positive male role model and example they need. If we don’t start reaching out and being examples of what men should be then the one thing we can all be sure of is we’ll have more and more of the men that no society wants or needs.

Let’s start with these 12. None of us are perfect. Most of us have probably messed up all twelve in some way or another and if not we probably just haven’t lived long enough. The bottom line is that we are responsible for the kind of men we choose to be. Why not choose to be a good man? I’ve yet to meet one person who would say they want their tombstone to read, “Here lies the worst man and human-being to ever live.”

You don’t have to be the strongest, fastest, smartest, richest or toughest guy to be a good man. Start with integrity and go from there. Doing the right thing, repeatedly, lays a firm foundation for being the man you and those around you should want you to be. More importantly for being the man our society so desperately needs more of. It starts with you.